Remedy

I sat in my minivan and blinked as I willed myself to turn the key.  Nothing.  I was walking out of my doctor's appointment with no more answers than I had entered it.  I had several more appointments and assignments given to me in order to figure out what was happening.  I was tired.  Tired of not knowing which foods would trigger a reaction, tired of feeling low on energy and just plain awful at times.  This past winter I began developing "reactions" after meals.  Not pleasant.  I could handle them in the beginning, but after eight months of experiencing these gut issues I was finished.  How much longer would I be in the dark?


I know for those with a more serious diagnosis, this may seem silly.  As a mom of active kids, the inability to walk out of the doctor's office with a cut and dry diagnosis, complete with action plan, felt defeating.  I wanted to feel like me again.  As I was washing dishes later that night I played Adele's 25 album and felt a gentle nudge when the song "Remedy" came on. 

"When the pain cuts you deep

When the night keeps you from sleeping

Just look and you will see

that I will be your remedy

When the world seems so cruel

and your heart makes you feel like a fool

I promise you will see

that I will be, I will be your remedy"*

I know Adele wasn't writing this song with a heavenly perspective.  In a moment of clarity I felt God using those words to enforce he would stand in and be my healer.  This season, this ache inside of me wasn't going unnoticed by my Heavenly Father, he was aware and in my corner, even if I couldn't filter my pain with that knowledge. 


But how to attach him to this physical weakness?  Gut issues don't sound very spiritual.  Then I came back across 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 and was reminded even Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, had a physical condition which caused him to beg God to remove it on multiple occasions.  This sounds like us.  When we are in physical, emotional, mental, spiritual discomfort the knee jerk reaction is to want it removed.  I don't like this.  I don't want to feel this.  I can't handle this.  Friend, these are phrases infiltrating my line of thought, and I'm sure if you think back to your last week, they have ambushed yours, too. 


Paul gives us God's response, "Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.'  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT)  It isn't the answer I wanted.  Let's be clear, I want to feel better right now in this moment.  Filtering physical pain and emotions through scripture helps us remember all we encounter can be faced directly in the power of our God.  The fight may not look the way we wish, but there is power in weakness when we allow God to do his work through our painful moments.  Maybe you are shaking your head, maybe this sounds ridiculous?  Give it a try.  Pray over what is hurting you and allow him to walk with you, jumping through medical hoops, pushing through the emotional exhaustion or physical pain.  Keep returning to him for strength, comfort, and truth. Allow him to speak deeply into your heart and be your remedy.


*"Remedy" written by Adele Adkins and Ryan Tedder, Copyright Universal Music Publishing Group



Dear Weary Mom...

Dear Weary Mom, I saw you today.  You were attempting to shop with a young child who refused to sit well in the cart.  He was loud and dancing on your nerve, and then you reprimanded him...loudly.  I noticed those around us seemed to shake their heads and click their tongues, but dear mom I felt your pain.  I relived two weeks ago when my youngest threw the mother of tantrums in the checkout line while my daughter kept whining she had to pee for the umpteenth time.  I just wanted to cry as the older gentleman in front of the line admonished me for not allowing my child his treat.  I know all too well that moment, dear Weary Mom you aren't alone. 

Unfortunately, I failed you.  God whispered to my heart you needed a word of kindness, but Weary Mom I was afraid you'd misunderstand my motive.  I was afraid you'd miss my heart to offer empathy and grace, so I stayed quiet.  You probably needed the kind words and relief from whatever criticism was in your head.  I wish I had been braver to offer.  So, next time I will suck it up, because we are in this together.  From one mom to another, it will get better. 

The Question

Are you feeling the weight of imperfection?  Has the past consumed more of your thought life than anything else? Times in the valley can seem painful and hard to manage, but there are endless learning opportunities.  This may seem difficult to fathom.  If you are in your valley, stop and take a look around.  Take true stock of your day to day life, the hard and honest contemplation.  Then look to God.  Pour out your heart, because nothing is worse than attempting to trudge out of the valley alone. 

Scripture tells us:  that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love (Romans 8:38 NLT).  Nothing, absolutely nothing.  Can you feel this pierce through the fog?  No job loss, no cancer, wayward child, addiction, or label can separate you from God.  If we hear this and breathe this truth, it will make our uphill journey out of the valley easier, because we have a perfect love within us. 

The sin we are in doesn't negate our relationship with Jesus.  It can send us in various directions as we attempt to figure out what is next.  I retreated, beating a hasty backward motion because I allowed my label to convince me I was unloved.  No one wants to be known as a "homewrecker," and I was sure that God wouldn't want a woman with that label either.  I continued all the things I thought would make it right again:  church attendance, reading my Bible, and prayers that desperately sought God's forgiveness.  There was no convincing me I was 100% forgiven.  Until several years ago in the moment God asked me to share my story.

I was dumbfounded.   Share?  Was he serious?  This was not happy Jesus stuff, this was messy life stuff.  Exactly.  That one word stopped every argument I could muster because God had me covered (Psalms 91:4). 
Is this you?  Are lessons from your low leaving the feeling you can't contribute to changing hearts and lives?  Shut that thought from the Enemy down now!  Others need to know their momentary failures don't disqualify them from being a functioning part of God's plan.  We have the ability to  display repentance as meaningful, not a demeaning part of our faith journey.  It is also important to know becoming a Christian doesn't make our lives perfect,  this is a daily process of returning to the cross and admitting that we need beautiful grace.

Today, bring your past insecurities, sins, and lessons to God and ask the difficult and amazing question of:  what can we do with this?

In Weakness...

Do you ever wonder about those low moments?  Your life, surroundings, and beliefs can be a twisted mess.  In my mid-twenties I had a valley experience.  It's crazy how quickly I sank from my mountain peak with God.  It was more of a death drop of sorts.  If the Devil had his way it would have been the end of my faith.

What does the Devil have to do with it?  You may be wondering this question, particularly if you are sinking yourself.  We have minimized  the enemy of our souls into a weak, cartoon character (or emoji), when he is out to destroy us.  The Bible references him as a lion because he functions as a predator. 

I was in a vulnerable place.  A new town, new job, no friends, no family near by, and new responsibilities that felt enormous...have you been there?  I was primed for an attack because I was embarking on a season of complete transition alone.  What was worse, the Enemy aimed at my weakest muscle, my heart.  Feelings are rarely a good indicator of our reality. 

Lysa TerKeurst, in her book Uninvited, discussed the Devil's predictable nature through 1 John 2:16, and he will, "dangle scenarios in front of me that evoke feelings that tempt me to crave, lust, and boast.*"  If we search ourselves with honest hearts, the Enemy has or is attempting one or all of these routes in his schemes.  I craved friendship, care, and love so deeply the Devil easily slid past my defenses to create sin oppotunity. 

So how do we combat this?  Lysa asks what is influencing and grabbing our attention.  Looking at who or what speaks to our heart, mind, and actions is key.  This is part of why we desperately need quiet time with God.  There will be a million ways for the Enemy to deceive us, unless we know the size, strength, and power of our God. 

Where can we start?  The best place is God's Word.  The Bible has all we need for deepening the bond with our Creator.  The Psalms and book of Matthew help with understanding the heart of God and Jesus better.  If you are looking for other resources check out a previous blog post with resources  http://mmmnothingisimpossible.blogspot.com/2016/08/searching.html .  I pray the more time you spend with God, the more you will be able to detect where the Enemy is attacking so you can resist, turning to God for your strength.

*TerKeurst,  Lysa.  Uninvited Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely.  (Nashville:  Nelson Books, 2016), 150.

Searching...

I wanted to know God more.  Sunday mornings just weren't cutting it; I felt like there was a hole in my understanding of God.  My relationship with him felt like it was on stand still, and I deeply wanted a firm connection.  How?  How was I going to make this work and do it in my schedule? 


I found resources as time went on and realized there is nothing more important than those meaningful moments I etch out with God.  I am not perfect.  There are days those moments don't happen or they are hastily snatched before the day explodes.  (Yes, my days can look more like an explosion at times.)  The point is:  I want us to experience God daily.  I desire we can have time with God that is meaningful, powerful, and soul transforming.  Tall order?  It can be. 


At times we feel frustrated because starting points can be elusive.  I used to think if I wasn't awake at 5 am with my Bible cracked I had failed for the day.  At that point in my motherhood journey, evenings were my best time, so I began looking for flexible things I could do to engage with God's Word.  I found some great resources, which have helped me stay consistent and push me in the right direction. Sometimes we just need a jumping off point! 


In my hope to encourage us to seek God daily, I wanted to create a resources list to help at any stage or place.


Bible Study/Book Study 
Good Morning Girls:  Study of the book of Joshua, starts 9/5/16  http://womenlivingwell.org/category/good-morning-girls/
Christine Caine:  Unashamed book study, started 8/14/16 and ends 9/17/16, http://www.faithgateway.com/unashamed-study-registration/
Love God Greatly:  You are Forgiven study, starts 8/29/16, They have an app (Love God Greatly) for blog and Bible Study, http://lovegodgreatly.com/
Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study:  Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst, starts 9/6/2016, http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/, https://www.facebook.com/P31OBS/


Devotions and Encouragement
First 5 App (Proverbs 31 Ministries)
Love God Greatly App (Love God Greatly)
Proverb 31 Devotions http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/ (e-mail sign up)
Women Living Well  http://womenlivingwell.org/


Facebook Resources
Proverbs 31 Ministries https://www.facebook.com/Prov31Ministries/?fref=ts
Lysa TerKeurst  https://www.facebook.com/OfficialLysa/?fref=ts
Nicki Koziarz  https://www.facebook.com/nickikoziarz.ministry/?fref=ts
Love God Greatly  https://www.facebook.com/LoveGodGreatly/?fref=ts
Belong Tour  https://www.facebook.com/belongtour/?fref=ts
Women Living Well  https://www.facebook.com/womenlivingwell/
Propel Women  https://www.facebook.com/PropelWomen/?fref=ts
Christine Caine  https://www.facebook.com/theChristineCaine/?fref=ts
(In)Courage  https://www.facebook.com/incourage/


This is certainly NOT a complete list.  Go and check out a few things, or leave your favorite resource in the comments section to help other ladies find a good fit. 

In the Hard Places of Life

I have trust issues.  Perhaps it is my personality or past experiences?  Whatever the cause, I don't often trust people with serious situations.  Oftentimes, I take them on myself because I prefer to be self reliant.  I'm sure there will be a few heads nodding in agreement here.


When I realized our family would be moving, I had to trust God for our outcome.  Placing one foot in front of the other and hoping there would be enough light to show  us the best next step.  It was excruciating for a control freak like me.  In my defense, I was much more accepting of our circumstances than I would have been in my younger days.  Time tends to show God's faithfulness and goodness in the hard places of life.  Those hard moments help cement God can be trusted.


Several months before Jake's job loss a Psalm showed up in one of my devotional readings:

He will cover you with his feathers.

He will shelter you with his wings.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Psalm 91:4

At the time the battle imagery really resonated with me.  I wrote it down, highlighted it, and tucked it away for another day.  After Jake's job loss the same scripture surfaced again on Facebook.  Then again on Pinterest, until finally there was a beautiful devotion written by Proverbs 31 Ministries around the time of my grandfather-in-law's death.  The repetition hit me; God was trying to tell me he would be all our family needed in the coming months, weeks, and days.  I'm sorry I didn't hear this truth sooner and it took so many visual reminders to "get it."

The covering with feathers and sheltering by wings should have made more sense to me.  We raise chickens and a particular hen loves to place herself on the nest with the eggs.  Once, I removed her from the nest to collect eggs and she returned, gently pecked my hand, and used her beak to carefully roll these eggs back under her wings and belly.  She knew the eggs needed to be covered and sheltered to have a fighting chance. 

God whispers the same thing to us in this Psalm.  He will cover and shelter you with the care of a mother.  He is faithful to carry out his promises, so that our hearts and minds are protected from the enemy.  The enemy longs to see you distrust God, feeling hopeless and overwhelmed by your circumstances.  Satan rejoices over the moments where your loneliness could consume you completely.  Even when we can't see in the darkness and fumble with our decisions and choices, there is a loving God who wants to care for you in your difficulty.  My prayer and hope is that each day we can learn to love and rely on him more as we look back and see his promises are good.

But...

Had I truly heard him right?  God, do you really want us to move?  My heart was slowly sinking more and more with the reality of leaving the area I had learned to call home.  I had beautiful friends and my routine.  Maybe I had misunderstood.  Maybe...


God had clearly orchestrated our plans.  Neither my husband or I could doubt where the source of our steps was coming from.  One decision after another lined up like a huge arrow, pointing us back to the place my husband had grown up.  We were so certain...but.  But was the trouble spot.

But God...
Are you sure you want us to be so far away from our oldest child?
How can we say good bye to a church we love and have grown in?
What about the home we had begun our life in as a family?
But God...


Each time I attempted to find a reason not to go, God gently reminded me of who he was and what he was asking of me:  obedience.  Obedience is such a hard word to swallow, especially in our culture where we feel like coming under authority is demeaning or an affront to our sense of self.  It is problematic to reject obedience when God wants to help us find our purpose and use our gifts.


Romans 12:2 reminds us, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (NLT)"  I had to allow God to change my attitude, thoughts, and mind.  Have you been there?  Perhaps you're experiencing a life change?  Dear friend, let's agree that change, any life change, is hard.  So hard.  Super hard...ok, enough said.


Soul searching and brutally honest prayer conveyed all of the deep fears and cares to God.  And God?  God changed everything.  Please don't think for a second it is possible to have a change of heart without the help of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.  These are amazing sources of encouragement and wisdom to connect us to the source of life.  When we allow it, when we walked in obedience, God takes the worried, fearful, resistant thoughts and makes them new.   


My deep prayer today is whatever you are struggling with, whatever parts of your life are held within tightly clutched hands, will be given over to God.  Be honest with him.  Don't hold back, he is big enough for every word, tear, and barrier you can imagine.  I hope today is the day you will find solace in God, who wants to bring goodness and life.