There I was, in the bathroom, where I could truly be alone for 5 minutes, and I asked God, "Do you see me?" It had been a rough week. My husband can have a crazy work schedule. This week it was especially crazy, which placed all of the responsibilities for our two youngest children on me. I had reached my breaking point with my dirty house, rebellious 3 year old, "no" shouting toddler, and to-do list that hadn't a single item scratched off of it. "Do you see me?" I believed there was no way God could see the mess, frustration, and loneliness I felt in that moment. He wouldn't just let me sink, right? That's what it felt like: sinking. I was struggling to keep up with all of the demands of my home and family, but it seemed like I was barely making a dent. Then my question, in all of my emotional sincerity became, "How can you possibly see me?" I'll be honest that there are days my life doesn't feel significant. Now, I'm not saying that in pity, if you ask most moms (SAHM and those that work outside the home) they would probably tell you they feel insignificant from time to time. We are the go to in our home for tears, fears, problems, food, poop related mishaps - and the list could continue on. It isn't limited to moms though. Maybe you feel that way at work? Your boss still doesn't know your name, your project was rejected, you still haven't seen a raise for all the time and energy you've been putting in. Maybe you're struggling with health and weight? You counted those calories, gave up processed sugar, and pushed yourself at the gym, but you still aren't seeing the weight loss, blood work results, or physical changes you were hoping for. In our frustration we wonder, "Can you see me?" and in our desperate lonely moment of waning hope we ask, "How can you possibly see me?"
It was in this moment that I had a scripture come to mind. I wasn't able to go to that passage right away, after all I had wasted my 5 minutes of bathroom solitude on asking the question to begin with! Then, later in the evening, I was able to look at Genesis 16 and read about Hagar, Sarai's (later Sarah) slave, and a desperate moment of her own. Hagar was forced into pregnancy so her mistress could continue Abram's(Sarai's husband) blood line. We are very aware of Hagar's feelings as the Bible tells us, "she began to despise her mistress" after finding out she was pregnant. In her shoes I would be doing the same! Sarai then mistreated Hagar and the slave runs away. An angel appears to Hagar and through the encounter she gave God the name "the God who sees me" (NIV). It was an awful circumstance and easy for Hagar to think she was invisible in her pain. She had been forced into an incredibly painful position, but recognized she was noticed by God. She even names God based on his ability to see her and her condition.
After reading this scripture, I realized that my circumstances can feel overwhelming and insurmountable, but there is a God who sees me. No one may noticed that I cleaned the kitchen, or that my children are learning valuable skills, or how much time I spent on dinner, but there is a God who sees me. I would encourage you to take a moment today to write down what makes you feel invisible. What part of your life makes you believe your pain/difficulty goes unnoticed? Dear friend, please know you are loved by God, you matter, what you do matters, and even if no one ever pats you on the back or shows you the admiration you deserve, what you choose to do on a daily basis is truly important. You are gifted and your purpose, no matter how mundane it may seem, is set aside especially for you by a God who sees you.
