In Weakness...

Do you ever wonder about those low moments?  Your life, surroundings, and beliefs can be a twisted mess.  In my mid-twenties I had a valley experience.  It's crazy how quickly I sank from my mountain peak with God.  It was more of a death drop of sorts.  If the Devil had his way it would have been the end of my faith.

What does the Devil have to do with it?  You may be wondering this question, particularly if you are sinking yourself.  We have minimized  the enemy of our souls into a weak, cartoon character (or emoji), when he is out to destroy us.  The Bible references him as a lion because he functions as a predator. 

I was in a vulnerable place.  A new town, new job, no friends, no family near by, and new responsibilities that felt enormous...have you been there?  I was primed for an attack because I was embarking on a season of complete transition alone.  What was worse, the Enemy aimed at my weakest muscle, my heart.  Feelings are rarely a good indicator of our reality. 

Lysa TerKeurst, in her book Uninvited, discussed the Devil's predictable nature through 1 John 2:16, and he will, "dangle scenarios in front of me that evoke feelings that tempt me to crave, lust, and boast.*"  If we search ourselves with honest hearts, the Enemy has or is attempting one or all of these routes in his schemes.  I craved friendship, care, and love so deeply the Devil easily slid past my defenses to create sin oppotunity. 

So how do we combat this?  Lysa asks what is influencing and grabbing our attention.  Looking at who or what speaks to our heart, mind, and actions is key.  This is part of why we desperately need quiet time with God.  There will be a million ways for the Enemy to deceive us, unless we know the size, strength, and power of our God. 

Where can we start?  The best place is God's Word.  The Bible has all we need for deepening the bond with our Creator.  The Psalms and book of Matthew help with understanding the heart of God and Jesus better.  If you are looking for other resources check out a previous blog post with resources  http://mmmnothingisimpossible.blogspot.com/2016/08/searching.html .  I pray the more time you spend with God, the more you will be able to detect where the Enemy is attacking so you can resist, turning to God for your strength.

*TerKeurst,  Lysa.  Uninvited Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out, and Lonely.  (Nashville:  Nelson Books, 2016), 150.

Searching...

I wanted to know God more.  Sunday mornings just weren't cutting it; I felt like there was a hole in my understanding of God.  My relationship with him felt like it was on stand still, and I deeply wanted a firm connection.  How?  How was I going to make this work and do it in my schedule? 


I found resources as time went on and realized there is nothing more important than those meaningful moments I etch out with God.  I am not perfect.  There are days those moments don't happen or they are hastily snatched before the day explodes.  (Yes, my days can look more like an explosion at times.)  The point is:  I want us to experience God daily.  I desire we can have time with God that is meaningful, powerful, and soul transforming.  Tall order?  It can be. 


At times we feel frustrated because starting points can be elusive.  I used to think if I wasn't awake at 5 am with my Bible cracked I had failed for the day.  At that point in my motherhood journey, evenings were my best time, so I began looking for flexible things I could do to engage with God's Word.  I found some great resources, which have helped me stay consistent and push me in the right direction. Sometimes we just need a jumping off point! 


In my hope to encourage us to seek God daily, I wanted to create a resources list to help at any stage or place.


Bible Study/Book Study 
Good Morning Girls:  Study of the book of Joshua, starts 9/5/16  http://womenlivingwell.org/category/good-morning-girls/
Christine Caine:  Unashamed book study, started 8/14/16 and ends 9/17/16, http://www.faithgateway.com/unashamed-study-registration/
Love God Greatly:  You are Forgiven study, starts 8/29/16, They have an app (Love God Greatly) for blog and Bible Study, http://lovegodgreatly.com/
Proverbs 31 Online Bible Study:  Uninvited by Lysa TerKeurst, starts 9/6/2016, http://proverbs31.org/online-bible-studies/, https://www.facebook.com/P31OBS/


Devotions and Encouragement
First 5 App (Proverbs 31 Ministries)
Love God Greatly App (Love God Greatly)
Proverb 31 Devotions http://proverbs31.org/devotions/devo/ (e-mail sign up)
Women Living Well  http://womenlivingwell.org/


Facebook Resources
Proverbs 31 Ministries https://www.facebook.com/Prov31Ministries/?fref=ts
Lysa TerKeurst  https://www.facebook.com/OfficialLysa/?fref=ts
Nicki Koziarz  https://www.facebook.com/nickikoziarz.ministry/?fref=ts
Love God Greatly  https://www.facebook.com/LoveGodGreatly/?fref=ts
Belong Tour  https://www.facebook.com/belongtour/?fref=ts
Women Living Well  https://www.facebook.com/womenlivingwell/
Propel Women  https://www.facebook.com/PropelWomen/?fref=ts
Christine Caine  https://www.facebook.com/theChristineCaine/?fref=ts
(In)Courage  https://www.facebook.com/incourage/


This is certainly NOT a complete list.  Go and check out a few things, or leave your favorite resource in the comments section to help other ladies find a good fit. 

In the Hard Places of Life

I have trust issues.  Perhaps it is my personality or past experiences?  Whatever the cause, I don't often trust people with serious situations.  Oftentimes, I take them on myself because I prefer to be self reliant.  I'm sure there will be a few heads nodding in agreement here.


When I realized our family would be moving, I had to trust God for our outcome.  Placing one foot in front of the other and hoping there would be enough light to show  us the best next step.  It was excruciating for a control freak like me.  In my defense, I was much more accepting of our circumstances than I would have been in my younger days.  Time tends to show God's faithfulness and goodness in the hard places of life.  Those hard moments help cement God can be trusted.


Several months before Jake's job loss a Psalm showed up in one of my devotional readings:

He will cover you with his feathers.

He will shelter you with his wings.

His faithful promises are your armor and protection.

Psalm 91:4

At the time the battle imagery really resonated with me.  I wrote it down, highlighted it, and tucked it away for another day.  After Jake's job loss the same scripture surfaced again on Facebook.  Then again on Pinterest, until finally there was a beautiful devotion written by Proverbs 31 Ministries around the time of my grandfather-in-law's death.  The repetition hit me; God was trying to tell me he would be all our family needed in the coming months, weeks, and days.  I'm sorry I didn't hear this truth sooner and it took so many visual reminders to "get it."

The covering with feathers and sheltering by wings should have made more sense to me.  We raise chickens and a particular hen loves to place herself on the nest with the eggs.  Once, I removed her from the nest to collect eggs and she returned, gently pecked my hand, and used her beak to carefully roll these eggs back under her wings and belly.  She knew the eggs needed to be covered and sheltered to have a fighting chance. 

God whispers the same thing to us in this Psalm.  He will cover and shelter you with the care of a mother.  He is faithful to carry out his promises, so that our hearts and minds are protected from the enemy.  The enemy longs to see you distrust God, feeling hopeless and overwhelmed by your circumstances.  Satan rejoices over the moments where your loneliness could consume you completely.  Even when we can't see in the darkness and fumble with our decisions and choices, there is a loving God who wants to care for you in your difficulty.  My prayer and hope is that each day we can learn to love and rely on him more as we look back and see his promises are good.

But...

Had I truly heard him right?  God, do you really want us to move?  My heart was slowly sinking more and more with the reality of leaving the area I had learned to call home.  I had beautiful friends and my routine.  Maybe I had misunderstood.  Maybe...


God had clearly orchestrated our plans.  Neither my husband or I could doubt where the source of our steps was coming from.  One decision after another lined up like a huge arrow, pointing us back to the place my husband had grown up.  We were so certain...but.  But was the trouble spot.

But God...
Are you sure you want us to be so far away from our oldest child?
How can we say good bye to a church we love and have grown in?
What about the home we had begun our life in as a family?
But God...


Each time I attempted to find a reason not to go, God gently reminded me of who he was and what he was asking of me:  obedience.  Obedience is such a hard word to swallow, especially in our culture where we feel like coming under authority is demeaning or an affront to our sense of self.  It is problematic to reject obedience when God wants to help us find our purpose and use our gifts.


Romans 12:2 reminds us, "Don't copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think.  Then you will learn to know God's will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect. (NLT)"  I had to allow God to change my attitude, thoughts, and mind.  Have you been there?  Perhaps you're experiencing a life change?  Dear friend, let's agree that change, any life change, is hard.  So hard.  Super hard...ok, enough said.


Soul searching and brutally honest prayer conveyed all of the deep fears and cares to God.  And God?  God changed everything.  Please don't think for a second it is possible to have a change of heart without the help of the Holy Spirit and the Word of God.  These are amazing sources of encouragement and wisdom to connect us to the source of life.  When we allow it, when we walked in obedience, God takes the worried, fearful, resistant thoughts and makes them new.   


My deep prayer today is whatever you are struggling with, whatever parts of your life are held within tightly clutched hands, will be given over to God.  Be honest with him.  Don't hold back, he is big enough for every word, tear, and barrier you can imagine.  I hope today is the day you will find solace in God, who wants to bring goodness and life.

Dear Devil

Dear Devil,
     I see you.  I wonder at times if you realize how obvious you are.  Those moments where you quietly whisper how I'm not enough.  The days where I feel like I continually fail.  My worst mommy guilt or loss of patience.  When I feel vulnerable, lost, or unnecessary.
     Perhaps you think you are cleverly hidden in the lies I find myself holding in clutched hands or those tears that come in my most frustrating moments.  Camouflaged?   Hardly.
     Do you know who I am?  If not, then let me remind you and at the same time renew myself:  I am the daughter of Almighty God (1 John 3:1).  He will fight for me (Exodus 14:14), He calms me with love and protection (Zephaniah 3:17), nothing is impossible for Him (Matthew 19:26).
     You are already defeated (Matthew 12:29, Colossians 1:13-14). I can have hope knowing I am capable, through Jesus, of resisting you in all aspects of my life (Philippians 4:13, Ephesians 6:10-17).  You can try to keep me down, and God's Word tells me you will try (1 Peter 5:8). I hold on to the knowledge that nothing can separate me from God's love (Romans 8:35-37).  Nothing.

Sincerely,
The Dearly Loved

Gifted

     I had almost purchased a similar apron months before.  My Aunt is a talented seamstress and handed me a gorgeous red and white floral apron in a vintage pattern.  It crossed in the back and was exactly what I had been browsing for over the last few months.  While I was captured by how cute and retro the piece was, I was most touched by my Aunt explaining she had prayed for me as she made the apron. 
     Anyone who has met my Aunt would not have been surprised by any of these details.  She is known for thoughtful homemade touches (like yummy granola and I am a huge fan of her breakfast muffins), but it is the moments where she reveals her love of God and people which stick with me the longest.
     On my drive home Sunday night I felt a tug on my heart, what was I doing to pour into others?  Scripture tells us, "There are different kinds of spiritual gifts, but the same Spirit is the source of them all.  There are difference kinds of service, but we serve the same Lord.  God works in different ways, but it is the same God who does the work in all of us.  A spiritual gift is given to each of us so we can help each other 1 Corinthians 12:4-7 (emphasis mine)."  My Aunt had taken a gift of praying and matched it with the talent of sewing to bless myself and other women in our family. 
     Giving doesn't always come easy to me, especially when it is my time.  I hoard those silent moments of solitude as if they were currency, and any person with a full schedule knows that sigh of relief which comes with a section of time carved out for peace.  There is nothing wrong with quiet moments, as Jesus himself would withdraw from people to reconnect with God.  The problem is, I don't always head back into the fray after taking the time. 
     There are days I want quiet time to go on for another hour...or another week.  Yet there is a need for me and for you.  We have been created for something special, given a particular gift, that only we can give.  Lysa TerKeurst in her new book Uninvited writes, "There is an abundant need in this world for your brand of beautiful."  Say it out loud.  Say it often!  You have something beautiful to share with this world, and God has placed it inside of you with the intention you give it away.  Not always easy, but, friends, so necessary.  Our world desperately needs more of God and more beauty.  Find one way to light up your sphere, that shows the depths of who God is, and give it away.

Farmyard Wisdom

     I couldn't believe it.  All of my hard work from the morning had vanished and I could only stop and stare.  I had planted seeds for my garden.  The freshly turned up dirt had attracted our chickens to the insect life.  As they scratched for food, the seeds were unearthed and eaten.  Now what?  How bad was it?  Would anything grow?
     I can say, two months later, a very scarce group of plants have emerged, but the  quality of the plants makes up for the small numbers.  I was checking on the beans, peas, and squash this weekend and found myself smiling at the overwhelming number of flowers.  A far cry from my hopeless feelings when the chickens attacked. 
     There are times in our lives we feel like our work has been sabotaged.  We desperately want answers or reassurance things will be ok.  God seems distant or nonexistent as we wrestle and struggle with our pain.  Where are You?  How could this happen?  Now what?
     While gardening is a far cry from the growing pains and bumps in our journey, they both require hope.  I don't think there is a more hopeful bunch than farmers and home gardeners.  They are placing seeds into the ground with the hope something beautiful, useful, and delicious will come along.  It doesn't always work out well.  Life is like that, too.  We pour ourselves into relationships, our jobs, families, and callings - but it doesn't always turn out the way we envisioned. 
     In times where circumstances are dark, we hear different types of Christian platitudes that don't really help us with our pain or frustration.  I often think of Job and how, in his misery, friends visit -  but they don't seem very comforting.  Job faces a full on attack by evil and the people around him attempt to explain the cause of his grief without realizing the actual cause!  In the end it is God who shifts Job's perspective. 
     When the dark moments come, lean into God.  Nothing is beyond him and he can handle our weakness and pain as no one else can.  He still speaks through his Word and the Bible tells us he will fight for us (Exodus 14:14), his purpose can be accomplished in ANY circumstance (Romans 8:28, Romans 8:31), but most importantly:  "...Your roots will grow down into God's love and keep you strong.  And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep his love is" (Ephesians 3:17b-18).   
     Remember that deep love when someone rips up the seeds you've sown.  Hold on to the hope that even though your plans may not look as you originally thought, what blooms out of a difficult situation may be more abundant and beautiful than you could have imagined.