Remedy

I sat in my minivan and blinked as I willed myself to turn the key.  Nothing.  I was walking out of my doctor's appointment with no more answers than I had entered it.  I had several more appointments and assignments given to me in order to figure out what was happening.  I was tired.  Tired of not knowing which foods would trigger a reaction, tired of feeling low on energy and just plain awful at times.  This past winter I began developing "reactions" after meals.  Not pleasant.  I could handle them in the beginning, but after eight months of experiencing these gut issues I was finished.  How much longer would I be in the dark?


I know for those with a more serious diagnosis, this may seem silly.  As a mom of active kids, the inability to walk out of the doctor's office with a cut and dry diagnosis, complete with action plan, felt defeating.  I wanted to feel like me again.  As I was washing dishes later that night I played Adele's 25 album and felt a gentle nudge when the song "Remedy" came on. 

"When the pain cuts you deep

When the night keeps you from sleeping

Just look and you will see

that I will be your remedy

When the world seems so cruel

and your heart makes you feel like a fool

I promise you will see

that I will be, I will be your remedy"*

I know Adele wasn't writing this song with a heavenly perspective.  In a moment of clarity I felt God using those words to enforce he would stand in and be my healer.  This season, this ache inside of me wasn't going unnoticed by my Heavenly Father, he was aware and in my corner, even if I couldn't filter my pain with that knowledge. 


But how to attach him to this physical weakness?  Gut issues don't sound very spiritual.  Then I came back across 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 and was reminded even Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, had a physical condition which caused him to beg God to remove it on multiple occasions.  This sounds like us.  When we are in physical, emotional, mental, spiritual discomfort the knee jerk reaction is to want it removed.  I don't like this.  I don't want to feel this.  I can't handle this.  Friend, these are phrases infiltrating my line of thought, and I'm sure if you think back to your last week, they have ambushed yours, too. 


Paul gives us God's response, "Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.'  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT)  It isn't the answer I wanted.  Let's be clear, I want to feel better right now in this moment.  Filtering physical pain and emotions through scripture helps us remember all we encounter can be faced directly in the power of our God.  The fight may not look the way we wish, but there is power in weakness when we allow God to do his work through our painful moments.  Maybe you are shaking your head, maybe this sounds ridiculous?  Give it a try.  Pray over what is hurting you and allow him to walk with you, jumping through medical hoops, pushing through the emotional exhaustion or physical pain.  Keep returning to him for strength, comfort, and truth. Allow him to speak deeply into your heart and be your remedy.


*"Remedy" written by Adele Adkins and Ryan Tedder, Copyright Universal Music Publishing Group



Dear Weary Mom...

Dear Weary Mom, I saw you today.  You were attempting to shop with a young child who refused to sit well in the cart.  He was loud and dancing on your nerve, and then you reprimanded him...loudly.  I noticed those around us seemed to shake their heads and click their tongues, but dear mom I felt your pain.  I relived two weeks ago when my youngest threw the mother of tantrums in the checkout line while my daughter kept whining she had to pee for the umpteenth time.  I just wanted to cry as the older gentleman in front of the line admonished me for not allowing my child his treat.  I know all too well that moment, dear Weary Mom you aren't alone. 

Unfortunately, I failed you.  God whispered to my heart you needed a word of kindness, but Weary Mom I was afraid you'd misunderstand my motive.  I was afraid you'd miss my heart to offer empathy and grace, so I stayed quiet.  You probably needed the kind words and relief from whatever criticism was in your head.  I wish I had been braver to offer.  So, next time I will suck it up, because we are in this together.  From one mom to another, it will get better. 

The Question

Are you feeling the weight of imperfection?  Has the past consumed more of your thought life than anything else? Times in the valley can seem painful and hard to manage, but there are endless learning opportunities.  This may seem difficult to fathom.  If you are in your valley, stop and take a look around.  Take true stock of your day to day life, the hard and honest contemplation.  Then look to God.  Pour out your heart, because nothing is worse than attempting to trudge out of the valley alone. 

Scripture tells us:  that nothing can ever separate us from God's love.  Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow - not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love (Romans 8:38 NLT).  Nothing, absolutely nothing.  Can you feel this pierce through the fog?  No job loss, no cancer, wayward child, addiction, or label can separate you from God.  If we hear this and breathe this truth, it will make our uphill journey out of the valley easier, because we have a perfect love within us. 

The sin we are in doesn't negate our relationship with Jesus.  It can send us in various directions as we attempt to figure out what is next.  I retreated, beating a hasty backward motion because I allowed my label to convince me I was unloved.  No one wants to be known as a "homewrecker," and I was sure that God wouldn't want a woman with that label either.  I continued all the things I thought would make it right again:  church attendance, reading my Bible, and prayers that desperately sought God's forgiveness.  There was no convincing me I was 100% forgiven.  Until several years ago in the moment God asked me to share my story.

I was dumbfounded.   Share?  Was he serious?  This was not happy Jesus stuff, this was messy life stuff.  Exactly.  That one word stopped every argument I could muster because God had me covered (Psalms 91:4). 
Is this you?  Are lessons from your low leaving the feeling you can't contribute to changing hearts and lives?  Shut that thought from the Enemy down now!  Others need to know their momentary failures don't disqualify them from being a functioning part of God's plan.  We have the ability to  display repentance as meaningful, not a demeaning part of our faith journey.  It is also important to know becoming a Christian doesn't make our lives perfect,  this is a daily process of returning to the cross and admitting that we need beautiful grace.

Today, bring your past insecurities, sins, and lessons to God and ask the difficult and amazing question of:  what can we do with this?