Remedy

I sat in my minivan and blinked as I willed myself to turn the key.  Nothing.  I was walking out of my doctor's appointment with no more answers than I had entered it.  I had several more appointments and assignments given to me in order to figure out what was happening.  I was tired.  Tired of not knowing which foods would trigger a reaction, tired of feeling low on energy and just plain awful at times.  This past winter I began developing "reactions" after meals.  Not pleasant.  I could handle them in the beginning, but after eight months of experiencing these gut issues I was finished.  How much longer would I be in the dark?


I know for those with a more serious diagnosis, this may seem silly.  As a mom of active kids, the inability to walk out of the doctor's office with a cut and dry diagnosis, complete with action plan, felt defeating.  I wanted to feel like me again.  As I was washing dishes later that night I played Adele's 25 album and felt a gentle nudge when the song "Remedy" came on. 

"When the pain cuts you deep

When the night keeps you from sleeping

Just look and you will see

that I will be your remedy

When the world seems so cruel

and your heart makes you feel like a fool

I promise you will see

that I will be, I will be your remedy"*

I know Adele wasn't writing this song with a heavenly perspective.  In a moment of clarity I felt God using those words to enforce he would stand in and be my healer.  This season, this ache inside of me wasn't going unnoticed by my Heavenly Father, he was aware and in my corner, even if I couldn't filter my pain with that knowledge. 


But how to attach him to this physical weakness?  Gut issues don't sound very spiritual.  Then I came back across 2 Corinthians 12:7-9 and was reminded even Paul, who wrote much of the New Testament, had a physical condition which caused him to beg God to remove it on multiple occasions.  This sounds like us.  When we are in physical, emotional, mental, spiritual discomfort the knee jerk reaction is to want it removed.  I don't like this.  I don't want to feel this.  I can't handle this.  Friend, these are phrases infiltrating my line of thought, and I'm sure if you think back to your last week, they have ambushed yours, too. 


Paul gives us God's response, "Each time he said, 'My grace is all you need.  My power works best in weakness.'  So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." (2 Corinthians 12:9 NLT)  It isn't the answer I wanted.  Let's be clear, I want to feel better right now in this moment.  Filtering physical pain and emotions through scripture helps us remember all we encounter can be faced directly in the power of our God.  The fight may not look the way we wish, but there is power in weakness when we allow God to do his work through our painful moments.  Maybe you are shaking your head, maybe this sounds ridiculous?  Give it a try.  Pray over what is hurting you and allow him to walk with you, jumping through medical hoops, pushing through the emotional exhaustion or physical pain.  Keep returning to him for strength, comfort, and truth. Allow him to speak deeply into your heart and be your remedy.


*"Remedy" written by Adele Adkins and Ryan Tedder, Copyright Universal Music Publishing Group